How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
