I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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