When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
