Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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