Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
