she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
