Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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