Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
The air was thick with penises
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize