dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
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