No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
whose parrot is this?
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Randomize
