I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
FUCK WHALES
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
