U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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