Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
