there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
