Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Randomize