i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
What a dumb baby whore.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Randomize
