the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
