What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
