think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Randomize
