if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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