I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
