You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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