help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Randomize
