Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
