FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
