Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
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