Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
