I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Randomize
