i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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