When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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