it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
