You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
