I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Randomize
