so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
