She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
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