Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
