the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
