I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
