Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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