Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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