My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
