i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
