wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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