Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
