never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
