Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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