I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
