You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
