I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
