The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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