i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
everyone is single if you try hard enough
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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