you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
