You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
