this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
