Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
