He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
