I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
soo... how was my night?
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
