Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
