so that wasnt chicken after all
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
His hands were made for my vagina.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
