This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
