I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
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