i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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