He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
